I started the below in October and stopped...
I'm working on our holidays. Thanksgiving and Christmas loom. I remember planning Easter. Well, I remember planning Easter twice. The first plan was made in my head in June. Brunch at the country club after church. Just Corey, Mary and me. First Easter with not very many home. I had checked all school schedules and the New York ones didn't match up. I knew it would be the three of us and while I was a tiny melancholy at the thought of our family dynamic changed, I was also prepared for it mentally and was kind of excited. A beautiful brunch, no cooking or planning by me. I had purchased one bunny type basket bag for Mary the year before on sale and had planned to send cards with gift cards to the rest.
Then Covid. There was no fancy country club brunch, country club was closed. Suddenly I was planning a meal. I had to scramble for Easter baskets for those home and for what to put in them, we were on lock down. Easter was the pre game to the whole family being home in April and May.
I was plucky back then. Full of resolve to make it all happen. Full of tenacity to make sure we all remember the holiday as special even though it would be different.
Now, it is October. And the dial hasn't moved. In fact, it is going backwards. And here I am again, trying to figure out the pandemic holidays with my bi-coastal family.
Now it is January and the holidays have passed. It all worked out. We defied all the odds and traveled to New York, Covid free, for Thanksgiving. The six of us for one last "original 6" holiday (my son in law was in Brazil with his mother). Masked, outdoor eating and activities, all in separate living spaces, testing...but we did it and it was wonderful.
Christmas came and was happy. We were 5 enjoying amazing local take out food and sister gifts over facetime. Our oldest had her first big girl Christmas across the country with her husband and dog. I was prepared. It was her time.
And now, it is almost time to plan for Easter again. I am planning on a maybe, possibly masked and outdoor church service. I am thinking a maybe, possibly masked and outdoor family meal with my brother's family. Please note the absolute lack of certainty in all planning and my refusal to commit to anything. I am mentally prepared to scrap it all and eat take out at home.
I like my use of the word "plucky" from my writing in October. Because I was, plucky, oh so very plucky and determined. I won't say that the pluck has been completely wiped out of me, but it has been diminished. In all honesty I am in need of some pluck as we head into the second year of Covid and the political/social crazy that surrounds it.
Looking for the pluck deep within has been challenging. It is just a long series of starts and stops. It has been a constant pendulum swing of "I got this, we are all doing amazing!" and then all the way back to "fetal position in the closet hiding from everyone." The truth lies somewhere in the middle I'm sure.
I was careful with myself not to jump on the bandwagon that was...I can't wait for 2020 to be over or I can't wait for 2021 or please let this year end or...you get the picture. My realist head and heart had already told me 2021 wasn't going to bring much change from what was problematic in 2020. That the normal of 2019 wasn't returning to us. I am trying, desperately, to learn what I need to from this past year (and what could possibly be another year) of pandemic lessons.
This is what I know. I'm still married, and most days even happily so. My children have all done better than anyone should have ever expected of them. Picking up groceries behind Raleys instead of shopping in a store is lovely. I like wearing a mask for vanity and makeup reasons, I leave my house with very little attention to my face. I finally have long hair, maybe not in the manner I had always pictured it, but I have it. I miss pedicures and facials, I know they are not important, but I miss them. Not sure I will ever cook much again, eating in restaurants isn't that important to me, but I am a supporter of local restaurants and take out is our norm now. Getting my eyebrows waxed is a necessity not so much a luxury. Getting botox is a luxury not so much a necessity. Everyone has their own fine line on what mandates necessity vs. luxury. My family is the most important thing in the world, none of the rest matters...at all.
Pluck: /noun/ spirited and determined courage
I decided to look it up. Pluck is even better now that I have read the actual Webster's Dictionary definition of it, not just whatever one was floating in my mind.
I am looking forward to having a very Plucky 2021.
