In Memory of May

May is different for me now. I don't actually know how many days are left of school, I didn't really remember that Memorial Day was this weekend, my checkbook sits untouched in my desk drawer with maybe even a layer of dust on it. I'm not exhausted, and my house does not look like a crack house. All, formerly, tell tale signs of my life in May. 

Facebook reminds me of the many Mays that precede this year. There are sweet memories of the girls in elementary, middle and high school  school at awards and banquets and field days and lunches on the lawn and the list goes on. And in every one of those sweet memory pictures I look...well quite honestly, I look exhausted. And I was. Because May, for teachers and parents is exhausting. It's a one month overload of obligations and finality (and expense) that feels like you won't reach the finish line with any kind of dignity or joy. But then you do. You get there.

The last two Mays have been spent in large part in New York at college graduations.  I feel certain that next year, even though we have a three year reprieve from graduations, I am just going to pretend I have a graduation and I will go enjoy New York in May.

Our third daughter graduated from college with a Liberal Arts degree in creative writing and a film minor. We like to really work for things in this family. I mean we really enjoy not taking the easy path and digging deep into challenges. So, with that in mind, she will look for a job in film writing in New York while a massive writer's strike is in place. So, what I really mean is...she will teach swim lessons for a long time following graduation, but then eventually the right thing will come along. Older sister started her first real job while we were there, and she graduated a year ago. The swim lesson teaching has been a huge blessing that I one hundred percent take credit for as a pay off from the years of my crazy, over the top parenting in terms of insisting I would instill a strong sense of commitment in my children. Paige found the job her freshman year in college. It pays incredibly well and it has paid some New York rent for both girls for the last four years.

Paige hated summer swim team. As May would wrap up we would start June 1st with another round of over scheduled madness and hit the ground running with summer swim. In what can only be shocking news...I look exhausted in all  of the summer Facebook memories as well. Paige was a beautiful swimmer. Her stroke was beautiful, but there was little speed attached to the beautiful stroke. Over time with perseverance, both hers to do well and mine that refused to let anyone quit, the speed came. Her childhood swim journey is well documented in my writings. It was a surprise her freshman year in college when she called and said, "I am applying for this job, but I don't know if I am qualified..."

She went to the interview. The lady gave her the office interview and then asked her to swim a few lengths of the pool. She called me afterwards. I asked how it went and she said, "I don't know. I don't know if I got the job. I didn't even swim half a length when she told me to get out. Then she told me she doesn't hire college students. But then she told me to show up Saturday morning." I told her she had the job, the woman has just been burned by college kids calling in sick on Saturdays and Sundays, but that isn't you so don't worry about it show up Saturday. You have the job. And she has, for four years, And she got older sister a job there. And I take credit for it all.

She graduated at Radio City Music Hall. I mean, enough said, iconic. As the daughter and niece of fashionistas, I had been on her for weeks about the graduation outfit. She is a serious student who picked up a minor at the last minute and then landed an amazing internship her last semester, when she also had to write a thesis and work the damn swim job, so I feel the outfit was really the last thing on her mind. It is also a reminder that I raised four girls her are much more serious than I am, but still I pressed on with the outfit. We finally agreed we would deal with that when I got there. And we did. We bought three dresses one day while shopping. And they were all fine, but we both knew we didn't love them. As they day ended I was...exhausted, and walked her to the subway station and offered to buy her some things at whole foods. In the same building as Whole Foods was H and M. We were both exhausted, she from her demanding school, work, internship and thesis schedule and me for grabbing clothes and forcing her to try them on. But as we both stood there under the red neon lights of H and M we channeled our inner Lady Bird (if you know, you know) selves and headed into H and M. And there with both of our perseverance on full display, we found graduation outfit perfection.

Only her father and I went to graduation. While everyone had crossed paths during my two weeks there, including three glorious hours on Mother's Day when our original six had a picnic brunch in Central Park, it is impossible at this stage in our lives to get everyone to everything. I have learned to make the most of the time we have together, whenever and wherever that may be. It was a really good day.  Graduation was a really good day. She is a really good kid and I cannot wait to see where this education takes her. 

Many of you are still in the thick of May. I know. What I will say to you is, it changes so quickly. I took a break from writing to take out my trash for garbage pick up tomorrow. This used to be just the biggest fuckery of my life when there were six of us. Never enough space for all of our garbage. Sometimes we were busy and we forgot. If you forget to get your garbage can out to be emptied one week with a family of six, forget it, we were screwed. The next week is hell and you spend the next three weeks trying to catch up. Tonight as I took the can out, it wasn't even half full. It would take us at least three missed weeks to make us uncomfortable. 

My pictures the last two Mays are nice. I don't look exhausted, but I have leaned in to appreciate the ones where I look exhausted because they represent a time in life I will never get back. A time in life where parenting the way that was important to me was difficult. A time in life where I never could have imagined that all the difficult work would pay off. A time in my life where I never could have imagined standing in Radio City Music Hall and seeing my daughter walk across the stage with perfection.

So with five days left, ok ok I have seen some posts that jolted me into the reality of my past and many peoples present, walk past your crack house piles of laundry (you will get caught up in June), prop yourself up at the awards banquet, give yourself grace when you zoom in on your tired eyes in the picture, put out the fire that flames from your over used checkbook...I am dating myself and should say, venmo...as you pay for every May extravaganza. Lean into it. Because one day, the memory of this May will be special and feel so much different in hindsight. 

Congratulations Paige! You fill my heart with happiness and one day you will write all the very best things! 

 

Where Should We Stay?

 I'm asked often for tips about New York. I am sure it isn't my ridiculous over posting of my visits on social media that drives people to seek me out for this advice, but rather that my pure love of the city shines through with my every word and picture posted.

The answer is actually long and detailed and I end up sending these ridiculously long winded texts with great amounts of information and then follow up with more texts as I remember more incredibly important things you must know. 

Some people take the advice and some don't, but I am asked a lot. So I have decided to put it all in one place and just direct people to blog when they need it.

Where should we stay?

It really depends on your vibe. I've stayed in a lot of places throughout Manhattan and one amazing Air B and B in New Jersey. I have really only had one real miss where I literally changed hotels. I have had a couple that were just so so, but they were short stays and we were sight seeing a lot so I didn't care.

I book a lot on Booking.com. My advice would be to read the reviews. Obsessively read the reviews. There are things in the reviews that will plummet a hotel score and they are things I don't care about, so the hotel will turn out to be amazing for me. Know what is important to you and read the reviews. People are always really upset about the quality of the "free breakfast." This is not important to me in NYC. Your hotel stay should depend on your New York vibe.

FiDI

A great location to stay (off the beaten track) is the financial district (FiDi). It is close World Trade Center, Statue of Liberty, Battery Park, Brooklyn Bridge and more. I actually love it down there. It is busy during the week and quiet on the weekends when the traders are not in the city. Reagan lived there one year and I got to know the area well. 

I've stayed a Marriott above a Gap (this was useful as it was August and it was so hot I would sweat through all my clothes each day and end the day stopping in to buy a new shirt for the next day.) It was a Residence Inn and had a small kitchen and that was great. 

There is also the World Center Hotel. Lots of room size choices and caters to a lot of business men. This was helpful when we moved Paige in to college. I had everything Amazon'd there and it was all waiting for us or arrived during our stay. It's a fairly basic hotel, but has all the essentials. Occasionally they have a free happy hour with snacks. You can also get a room and living room space if you need more space for a fairly reasonable. It is not a luxury hotel, but it has lots of great features. 

Club Quarters Hotel...this is a chain that is associated with the World Center Hotel above. They are attached. Same rooms but somehow differently owned? They also have a location at Grand Central Station. I have stayed there and it has all the same comments as above. Again, it is a less expensive way to get a room with some more space and a kitchen.

When in FiDi ride the Staten Island Ferry (free) past the Statue of Liberty. Humm the song from Working Girl with Melanie Griffith while you look at Lady Liberty. Go to Eataly. Get their pizza to go, it's really good! Harry's is a great fancier restaurant. Walk by the water at Battery Park.

Boutique Hotels 

Hotel Sherman is located on restaurant row near Broadway. Darling street. Very small hotel with French design. There are small rooms, but also suites with one and two bedrooms and darling balconies. There is also a balcony/rooftop everyone can use. All rooms have a kitchen and there has often been a very good breakfast with above average pastries etc. The front desk person has always been lovely and usually has his dog at the desk with him. I love this hotel. We stayed there a lot during covid when I could get the very large suites for a good price. Since covid ending those are very expensive, but pre covid I stayed in there smaller rooms and loved them. Across the street are restaurants that feature piano playing and singers and once during covid an amazing outdoor drag queen show that I watched from my balcony. The Mexican restaurant on the first floor is good and there is a French restaurant next door with amazing escargot and a French Onion burger to die for. You can walk to Central Park.

Executive Hotel Le Soleil is located in Midtown, I  stayed here right as it reopened after being closed for covid. So I had a great experience with customer service etc. as they were trying to work the reopening kinks out. Great location for walking to Bryant Park, Macys and good subway access to get other places. Some rooms have an added living room. There are robes and slippers. It was fine, I haven't stayed again, but I liked it.

San Carlos Hotel was a great stay. Great location and has larger suites available. Our room was a little  dated, but was clean. Front desk staff was great. Lots of easy to walk to restaurants. It is right below the upper East side and a close walk to the water and nice residences. we watched the Fourth of July fireworks there one year. Great experience.

The Manhattan Club is one of my favorites. It is a couple of blocks from Central Park. Excellent location for the park, Broadway, Times Square, subway access. It is a hotel and a time share of some kind. It seems mostly people that live nearby, but not in the city have the timeshares. They use it to come in to the city for a night or two for meetings or a play. They have a really cool bar on their rooftop. It's quiet with great furniture and it is where the timeshare people hang out before dinner plans so it is fun to ease drop. My best friend and I call it the "Big Pour" hotel because the wine pour is big, especially for the city. Some rooms are dated. If you want a more modern room, book the ones called "City Lights" rooms. They are more newly renovated and have living rooms. They also have a great one bedroom with living room. Again, some are dated but they are spacious.

The Beekman Tower Trademark Collection is a new favorite that we stayed in this Thanksgiving. I almost didn't book it because the reviews were so inconsistent. But when I ended up loving it and asked the front desk about the reviews he said it was because some rooms are dated and also a lot of people complain about the beds. They are hard. My husband has a bad back and this was the best vacation sleep he has had in awhile. So, again, always read the reviews thoroughly. We had one with a kitchen, dining room, living room and bedroom. It was great for Thanksgiving day. It is located on the water by the United Nations building and it is in a nice neighborhood so their are a lot of great neighborhood stores, bakeries, pubs, flower shops and restaurants. Hugh Jackman stayed here at the start of The Music Man and if you are a fan of The Way We Were you will remember the line, "Why did you have to go back to Beekman Place?" This hotel is one street over from Beekman Place. Really nice apartment buildings that over look the Hudson River. They have a fancy bar up top with amazing views. It isn't owned by the hotel and if you try to go up on the weekend they will be snotty with you about reservations. But on a Wednesday I went up with no problems. 

The Regency, the best for last. When I can afford it, this is where I go. Upper East side and while maybe not the hotel it used to be, it holds all the history of the upper East side. We have been there the last two years in May for graduations. The bar is iconic with business people, local upper East siders and usually there is at least one celebrity sighting. I smiled at Candace Bergen as I sat down to breakfast at the bar one morning as she was leaving. A block form Central Park and Fifth Ave. Eat at Serafina next door. Great food. I stalk the American Express website for when they offer specials. It is just a classic New York experience. I usually book through Amax and get a room upgrade when we get there, so I have a few different rooms. There was kitchen once, balcony once, always amazing closet space and a TV in the bathroom mirror. 

I can go on for hours, but these are my basics. You can see where this becomes a ridiculously long text when people ask, "Where should we stay?"

The Evolution of the Christmas Tree

In early December I was playing tennis, back when one could play tennis in California before we lived under the sea and water was our new home, and my lesson partner and I were casually discussing Christmas tree purchases. She had been to a nice lot in town and paid a hefty price for her tree. Our instructor thought it was a lot of money and asked me if I would spend that kind of money on a tree. My inner voice immediately scoffed and said, "No! Of course not. That is an obscene amount of money for a tree. Ridiculous. I would never..." but as my inner voice raged on, and I slowed down my response and quieted myself before speaking with my outer voice (as I am on a real journey to have unspoken thoughts), I responded  with, "Yes, I would." Because in reality, despite what my current judgmental inner voice had to say, I had For many years purchased really large exquisite Christmas trees from the exact same lot. 

I was younger, with four young children. We had a living room with a front facing window to frame the tree. I had grown up with a large tree. The tree represented a vision I had for our family, for our Christmas, and for all things merry. My husband was not excited by the tree purchase from the expensive lot, but over the years he leaned in to my vision and even took over the picking out of the tree. I would bundle up the kids in outerwear and send the five of them off to return with the large expensive tree that checked every box of my very specific vision of Christmas and our holiday season. We spent a night decorating it. We got out all the ornaments. We placed them with care. We placed an angel on the top. I served hot chocolate. Christmas perfection! Or at least remembered that way by me now.

Then life moved forward. Children aged. At some point it was hard to get all four children to the lot with dad so it dwindled down to one or two. At the end of the big Christmas tree years I did notice that everyone was around to hang one or two ornaments and then it was just me finishing it alone. And one year I even left it to the babysitter. We had to be away for a night and I basically said, "please just have it done by the time we return."

The turning over of the tree to the babysitter was probably a foreshadowing to what came next. We sold the big house with the perfect tree framing window. With the loss of the window, so went my desire for a large exquisite tree. In our new smaller latchkey home for future empty nesters, came a smaller tree purchased at Save Mart for a much more reasonable price. It held fewer ornaments and I took to just rifling through the ornament storage bin and placing a few significant ornaments from our lives. Usually done by myself as the remaining non college teens drifted in and out with little regard for tree decoration. One year, with two children away at college and out of the house, I didn't even make it to Save Mart and had decided to just not have a tree. However, sentimentality got the better of me and the day before Christmas Eve with a remaining child in tow I headed to Save Mart to get the tree. Propped against the wall outside the store with a sign that read "free" was one sad tree. I slowed to a stop and popped the trunk and started for the tree. With great embarrassment and passion the accompanying child whined, "No! MOM NO! These are trees for people that can't afford them. You can't take this tree." I explained that I wasn't going in to Save Mart to offer to pay for the tree and that if I did we would be here longer dealing with the tree. She slunk to the floor and refused to help as I shoved the tree into the back of our SUV like the grinch shoves the Who's tree up the chimney and off we went. 

The next year, with that child across the country at college (I have no idea why they all go so far away), my mother called from Home Goods to announce they had a small fake decorative Christmas tree that would look good on a table or by the front door. I said yes. My intention was to take it up to our vacation home, and be a better mother and get the Save Mart tree earlier and in a more dignified manor this year. The Home Goods tree arrived, went to a temporary table in my home, and there it stayed until April. No Save Mart tree made it in. I dressed up the small tree after Christmas with hearts and then shamrocks and then while typing  "decorative hanging Easter eggs" into the Amazon search bar, I decided I had gone to far and managed to get the tree out to the garage.

The little tree made it back in this Christmas for a repeat performance (easily done as it hadn't been gone long and was still fairly close to the door by which it had vacated the home). No actual ornaments for the tree as I didn't feel like digging through the box, just shiny bulbs purchased specifically so that I did not have to go find the ornament box. It left us before New Year's Eve and I have it successfully boxed up to head to the vacation house with the goal of buying a medium sized fake Christmas tree for next year. We shall see.

There were stops home for all of our children during the little tree's duration. It was our second holiday in quick succession with all adult children (and one spouse) together. It was...easy, enjoyable. I say that with all honesty and with complete acknowledgement that not all of our time together is easy and enjoyable, but these were. We were fortunate to have them all for these holidays. I always assume each one will be the last with everyone able to make it, and then it isn't.

Our youngest outlasted the tree and stayed until well into January. She was busy. Worked, house sat, drove her cousins and an older woman to appointments. She's a hustler. When she left I quieted my mind quickly. It was easier to return to our life of two.

The new year is here. I find myself still grappling with who I am since the absence of children in our home on the daily. It is both freeing and crippling. The decision to be whoever I am going to be now... may be taking the path of my trees. It started out big and elaborate in my mind, but the longer I sit with it the smaller and more succinct it becomes. 

Happy New Year my friends! The goal is what it is every year...to write more before it is 2024. Oh, and to play more tennis and of course to buy the new tree. We shall see.