In contrast we were near my newly minted 21 year old daughter and she and her boyfriend came over every night to hang out. The boyfriend cooked dinner one night, my daughter planned things for she and I to do. My husband flew down on day three and and we all did things together. It was basically a really lovely vacation.
I took this vacation four years ago when said 21 year old was 17 and a freshman in college. Missing my first born as she had been gone for two months, I drug the whole family down to visit her even though I knew she was knee deep in college life. I knew she would be busy and not have much time for us, but still I missed her and made the trip. She basically wanted nothing to do with us. I forced her to commit to one dinner and night with us. She was miserable and put up with it, but it wasn't my best parenting moment.
A reminder that the pendulum swings.
A few years ago in my teaching I had this great family. One of those really amazing families that make a teaching career worth it. The oldest just graduated from high school and she was special to me. The siblings that followed were equally as special, all for different reasons, but I adore the whole family. They were a large family with several branches of siblings and cousins. One year the dynamics shifted and a branch of the family went from having a quiet household of one child to basically a household of five children. The parents came in to parent teacher conference exhausted (and humorous, which I love) and possibly a little defeated. But I remember saying these words to them and they have stuck with me ever since, because the words were really about me.
"Of course you are exhausted and defeated. You no longer have the luxury of basking in the glory (I may have said enjoy, but am sprucing it up for blog rewrite) of one child's success. With multiple children you only have time to briefly acknowledge any one successes before you are hit with another child's screw up. You are jumping to put out fires at every turn"
And that is my reality. I quickly acknowledge and enjoy one success, but as the smile is forming at one child's award assembly, my phone is lighting up with an emergency text from another child, and while trying to read the text a face time call from yet another.
The pendulum swings.
The pendulum swings.
This last December, standing in Downtown Disney, I was smiling at my high schooler as she walked off to spend the day with a fellow dance friend. What a dream, I thought! I am here for the Disney parade with my family to watch two of my daughters and my neice perform. My older daughter would be here soon with her boyfriend and we would share our Disney love with him. As my high schooler walked off and I was, yes basking in the glow of success, it happened. With smile barely formed it happened as if in slow motion (all bad Disney moments for me happen as if in slow motion and I am an outsider watching it all as if it were a movie).
With one eye on the happy daughter, second daughter threw her head on the table, grabbing her stomach and making an awful horrid face of disgust before storming off to the bathroom. As she stormed off, I got a phone call from hysterical San Diego college girl with incredibly bad news about her boyfriend's family, and as I spoke to her text after text from New York girl lit up my phone about a class and teacher she was struggling with.
There I was, pacing Downtown Disney trying to find a place to hear my phone without the theme from Pinocchio blaring in my ears, ignoring the rapid fire texts from New York, while Naomi tried to flag me down to let me know the stalking off had been because the long awaited for "time of the month" had arrived on the very day we were wearing costumes with no underwear allowed (let me explain at a later time the difficulties of finding thong underwear at the last minute at the Happiest Place on earth. It's a pricey Uber ride to Target).
By five that night most panic had subsided and things were back to normal (with the exception of the grumpy "time of the month " teen who was holed up in the hotel room googling, "How to Start Early Menopause" so that she could put a stop to the nearly lifelong commitment quickly and swiftly).
The pendulum swings.
New York college girl just face-timed me from Central Park as the high school Jr. walked out the door to head to the State Capital. Both are marching today. There is a certain thrill for me to be having two teenagers marching on opposite coasts. My New York girl up early and out the door for a moment of importance that she believes in. The same girl a year ago I struggled to get up early for school, a moment of importance I believed in.
The pendulum swings.
As spring break ends we head back to the grind of every day life. Last quarter and lots of studying for AP tests here. Stressful. Mostly for me, I hate the pressure of it all for her. She doesn't seem to mind that much. AP tests and starting to think about college. College, round three. A blog for another day...
The pendulum swings.
No comments:
Post a Comment